Stag and Hen Parties

Why?

Once upon a time, there were only stags and no hens. Stag nights took place on the eve of the wedding, when the groom had gathered around him all his best male mates, and together they celebrated his last night of bachelorhood doing the sort of irresponsible things bachelors were thought permitted to do. It was not a pretty sight, especially the next day, at the wedding, when the groom and best man and ushers appeared pale-faced in the church, looking as though the bells were ringing inside their heads. These days it does not have to be like that. Stag nights, or stag weekends, are still designed to mark the transition from single life to married life, but they can take any form that celebrates the companionship of buddies, debauched or otherwise. The same now also goes for women: hen parties, or hen weekends, are increasingly popular  and are often also just as raucous as the stag equivalent. (Some people have even attempted combined stag and hen parties  perhaps a weekend away for the couple and their friends. But that seems to be missing the point.)

For more on wedding planning, see www.weddingshop.co.uk

When?

Whatever you do, observe Rule One of Stag Nights: never, ever plan it for the night before your wedding. (Hens are unlikely ever to be so stupid.) Traditionally it was the best man who did all the organising, and laid on the entertainment; the bride's maid of honour might be expected to do the same for her. Now that stag and hen nights are often more carefully tailored and more elaborate, more consultation and planning with all parties is necessary. But set the date well before the wedding.

Where?

Anywhere you choose. At home, in town, at a private room at a restaurant, at a casino, at a theme park, on a golf course or cricket pitch, at a pop or rock festival, on cross-country footpaths and in B&Bs, or over a weekend in Paris, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Florence, Grand Cayman. Travel agencies offer increasingly ambitious programmes for stag and hen parties, perhaps including go-karting, white-water rafting, clay-shooting, bungee-jumping, hot-air ballooning or pampering at a spa. The way ahead is to establish who are the essential participants, think what they would most like to do, and come up with a plan, a budget and some dates.

Routes to disaster

• Wedding crasher: don't even think about holding a stag or hen night on the eve of the wedding.
• Having no particular plan, so the event becomes like any other.
• Failing to book: make reservations, and double-check the day before.
• Inviting people who are not really in the mood for the fun you plan.
• Drinking too much, or too quickly: pace yourselves, or joviality will transmogrify into soul-searching melancholy, humiliation and incoherence.
• Laying on some tawdry entertainment, that is more the source of embarrassment than pleasure.
• Getting landed with the bill: make sure all participants know the costs in advance, and share the burden.
• During the event, criticising (or being honest about) the bride/groom's future spouse.