Risk assessment

Parents: remember what you wanted to do at parties when you were a teenager? Your teen children are going to want to have the same kind of fun. And some. Whether it is wise to give into their demands and to allow them to host a party will depend on a number of issues. Are your children sufficiently trustworthy and reliable? Are their friends? If so, does the kind of party that they want match this assessment? What's the worst that can happen? (Gate-crashing, sickness, theft of your possessions… to name but three). You should give your children the benefit of the doubt sometimes  but sometimes also you should trust your instincts. If a teen party looks as though it’s a bad idea, then very likely it is.

Steering committee

You won't be able to tell your teen children what kind of party they should have. They think they know. They also think that good parties develop spontaneously: just invite a host of friends, and take it from there. Planning is uncool. But planning is actually critical. Advice may not be welcome or taken, but you can at least try to steer.

Home or away?

By their very nature, teenagers are boisterous, and somewhat clumsy with it, and the social graces are not generally part of their definition of having fun. If you are house-proud, have just installed a brand new living-room carpet or kitchen, and are considering hosting a teen party, don't. Things will get dropped and scuffed; footprints will lead in from the garden. But if your house can handle this kind of pummelling, it should provide the best, cheapest and most welcoming venue. The alternative is hiring a venue, but the costs will be high: search the Internet for possibilities.

Invitations

Some teen party-givers will think 'word-of-mouth' (or emailed) invitations are the best way to achieve maximum coverage, and maximum fun. Wrong. The invitation will spread like wildfire combined with Chinese whispers, and all sorts of people  known and unknown  will turn up. The only way to control numbers, and to avoid a chaotic crush, is to send out written invitations, and to demand that recipients reply. The greatest problems from teen parties can arise from gatecrashers.

Parental presence

Do not abandon your house to a teen party. Your presence is needed  and it may be vital in the case of gatecrashers, excess alcohol, or neighbour rage. You can keep discreetly out of the way, indeed out of sight, but you must be there.

Drink

This may be a major bone of contention, especially among the younger teen age group. There may be real pressure to supply alcoholic drinks of some kind, and the risk that guests will bring their own (often spirit-based mixers). The law provides little refuge here: it is illegal to sell alcohol to anyone under the eighteen, but in fact the legal age for consuming alcohol in the UK is… five. So that line of argument may not work. Teens tend to drink because they are thirsty first and foremost, so you should supply plenty of soft drinks and water. More responsible, older teens could perhaps be trusted with beer (there are some acceptable low-alcohol varieties), and perhaps wine. The issue requires delicate judgement. At some point in their lives, those who drink alcohol will discover their limitations: you just don't want this rite-of-passage to take place at your party, on your carpet.

Food

They may say they don't want any food. Don't listen. Provide food of some kind  such as crisps, pizza or sandwiches. Food lines the stomach, and absorbs some of the frenzy. Despite the protestations, it will all be eaten (although peanuts might just get chucked about).

Disco

Teens like to think they can carry off a party just by talking. Sometimes they can, sometimes they can't (and the party is written off as a failure). They may well protest if you suggest dancing (like the old days), but if you provide a sound system and a dance floor of some kind, they probably will use it. Just don't try to choose the music.

Lavatories

Adults go to the lavatory surprisingly little during a party. This continence is something they clearly learn in their maturity, because teenagers need lavatories a lot. To avoid moments of frantic desperation, it's best if you have at least two. Make sure they are clearly marked.

Getting them home

You have a moral responsibility to make sure the guests get home safely, or at least have a reasonable plan for doing so. Make sure that they have a lift, a taxi, or reliable late-night public transport, before they lurch off into the night. And it is probably advisable to have at least one adult driver on hand to ferry home the stragglers. Or be fully prepared for a mass sleepover.